True Biblical wellness? Is there such a thing?
This pursuit started for me years ago. As a child I was morbidly obese, and from the beginning always felt that my worth was tied to my outward appearance. I was fortunate to not be bullied by my peers over my weight, but the internal dialogue I had with myself on the daily was enough to cause me to hate every picture, clothes shopping trip, swim party, that ever was in my childhood. Finally in my medical school years I was able to lose a large amount of weight, and thought surely once I was thin my body acceptance would sky rocket and I could finally stop thinking about food all the time and focus on other important things. Unfortunately the self acceptance I so desired never quite reached and I was horrified that I actually felt less confident overall after I was thin than I ever did as a larger person. And the food thoughts didn’t go anywhere, they just changed their ugly head. I went from obsessing on what I could eat to taste good and comfort myself, to how little or how healthy I could eat to show how well I controlled my life.
It was doable, I wasn’t diagnosable as an eating disorder, really to look at me I was healthy, thriving, running marathons the such but then I was in a bible study with a group of international missionaries covering the topic of a christian wellness book. As often happens in Bible study the topic changed from what the Bible said into our feelings and how we were dealing. A participant in her 70’s, chimed in after around 45 minutes of each person taking turns complaining about their human form in some way or the other, and she just simply said, “ I hate to tell you girls but this will never go away, this never changes, I deal with this just as much now as I did 30 years ago.”
That day something broke in me. All I could think was “No way, not another 30 years of this.” I was tired, exhausted really. I felt I was imprisoned by the rules and boundaries I had placed on myself so that I could not and should not think of anything else or all the plates I had spinning would come crashing down and I would be fat once again. And being fat for me was the ultimate sign that was worthless, useless, unable to do anything right, and ultimately correlated with my own understanding of my relationships with others and with God. You see, if I could control everything and be thin, then everyone would respect me, think I had it all together, and this would lead to acceptance and desire to be around me. And well for God, I felt that denying myself, following rules, not getting too far gone in desires and pleasures meant I was doing right by Him and He was proud and he could turn his focus on to the other sinners who had way bigger problems than me. I didn’t really need to spend time with Him because I wasn’t His biggest issue, and so this freed up my time to continue to think and obsess about food, exercise, and body because I didn’t have to stop and pause to think about God or pray to God.
But even writing all of this really exhausts me, and makes me tired.
But I read in the Bible that God’s Yoke is easy, (Matthew 11:30), but for me I’d been a Christian for over 30 years, and I felt I was working and striving more now than ever.
So ultimately this led me to pursue being “well,” does that even occur in the Bible, is that a thing? Is wellness even biblical?
So I started with a word search of verses that talk about wellness.
3 John 1 Has John talking to Gaius his friend, “My dear friend I pray that everything may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as I know you are well in spirit.” (spirit being well meant following the truth)
Proverbs
Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like cancer. Prov 14:30
Being cheerful keeps you healthy, it is a slow death to be gloomy all the time. Proverbs 17:22
John 10:10 The thief’s purpose is to steal, and kill, and destroy, my purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. ( more and better life than they have ever dreamed of MSG)
Google search : Biblical wellness is a complete state of health in body, mind, soul that is rooted in a deep relationship with God : Spiritual connection with God (prayer, meditation, worship, sabbath)
Soul and Emotional Health (guarding your thoughts being mindful, understanding emotions role in life, replacing fear and despair with gratitude and trust)
Physical stewardship (self control, nutrition, being active and able for calling)
Relational community (avoiding isolation, being in church or with believers, talking about journeys)
I started to see the focus was all wrong from the jump. My focus has always been on doing something so that others could see. The sin of pride was so deep in my life, that I understand it will take years of repentance, habit and mindset change to be delivered, but I know through God He can do it in me. But learning how to rethink the important things has truly led me on a journey. I started to see that Biblical wellness is just what Jesus was discussing with the woman at the well in John 4 MSG, 23-24, It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is looking for, those who are simply and honestly themselves, before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself, Spirit, Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.”
My true self? Who in the world is that? I can tell you absolutely and without fear that the person yearning, striving, trying was not Kristi’s true self. I am still praying that God will reveal to me all that I truly am, but I think one thing He has been clear about is that I was truly made to be His from the beginning. I was born in a Christian home, in a Christian town, in a Chrisitan state, and Chrsitian country. I heard the word of God from the womb, and have missed less sundays of church than I have fingers and toes. I yearn to be in the house of God, I yearn to hear from Him and I have spent my life, pursuing, asking, trying to grow as He directed me to in his word. So yeah my true self was always supposed to be his. But otherwise, I see myself as pretty plain, not much to think about, a very normal white south USA born and raised kind of woman. Nothing too unique or obviously that makes me truly who I am. So I am currently working on that with God. I have learned that learning from God takes a few things, it takes time, mindfulness, rest, and slowing down. He truly has given us Sabbath for a reason, and after years of working and striving to be a doctor that someone else would respect, He sent me to Uganda so that I could be nothing more than Kristi, wife of Matthew, mother of Wylie, James, and Wilbur. In fact people here call me Mama Wilbur more than they do Doctor. It has been a gift. For the first time possibly ever I can sit and write this out, I can think, I can try to listen. NO it’s not perfect, don’t get me wrong, I’ve never sat with my coffee, journal, bible for hours and listened to God’s voice, but I feel him still closer now than ever. It’s like Wilbur’s monk, a security that I need to touch sometimes, or just know he is in the room sometimes.
So Biblical wellness is possible, but it is so much more than what food I eat, or exercise I do, it is about my relationship with my creator, and the commandments he has given me. Love God, Love Others.